The first time that I realised something was wrong was probably about Year 9. I was completely focussed on my weight and eating, and when I looked in the mirror I saw someone I hated and wanted to escape. I dropped from 75kg down to 65kg in the space of about 8 months before I sought treatment, and lost a further 8kg before I started to ‘get better’.
This was around the time I was also diagnosed with OCD, a condition that, alongside depression, have continued to hang over me like a cloud through everything I do. The constant worrying, obsessing, cleaning, counting, and often terrifying thoughts that occur throughout my everyday life make getting up in the mornings a chore, and going to sleep nearly impossible. This, coupled with the stresses of coming out of the closet and everything that entails, has meant that the past 6 years have been a constant struggle between obsessions, school, uni, relationships, and the general self loathing that comes with having mental illness.
At the moment things are not great. Not by a long shot. But what I do know is that things will get better, and that this is not the end for me nor the end for those of you who are going through similar experiences. This is not something to be ashamed of, and it is not something that should be kept hidden from view. We need increased visibility to help others know that it is okay to not be okay, and that it is okay to ask for help. In this cut-throat environment that we have all grown into it is more important than ever to learn the warning signs, seek help, and ask those around us if they are going okay. It might surprise you to know what some people are going through, and it will also surprise how much you can do to help out someone you love get through a difficult time.
Anyone want to chat about this, you can contact me through my email (firstname.lastname@example.org, pls don’t make fun of it I made it when I was like 10 and it has a lot of sentimental value) or visit my blog @ https://bloodbonesandbodies.wordpress.com (cheeky plug; if you guys are interested in the history of medicine you have come to the right place xoxo). Thanks for reading friends, and goodluck this exam period!